Process- Did I make a point here? i dunno...

 So I am… well… dealing with Microsoft CoPilot for the first time… and I hate it.  I’ll see if I can disable it.  
That aside, I’ve been trying to figure out how to write this without sounding like an extraordinarily privileged cis white person.
Here it goes:
I have been wanting to talk about the overwhelm, the shock and awe that has been going on in the last few weeks, how we’ve been inundated with scary, infuriating things ro make us get overwhelmed and confused, and docile.  Small fires all over the place- which should we put out?
I talked to my mother about it last night.  Only she doesn’t want to talk about it, and I should have stayed quiet.  But I really don’t have anyone to talk about it with.  And talking with her became an argument over how I’m trying to deal with what is happening right now instead of taking it to a horrible, devastating, and deathly end.
And apparently I was wrong about that.
Last I wrote, I was galvanized, and ready to take on everything, problem solving, creativity, bring it on, I have tons of insight and energy, LETS GO!
And then mental illness knocked hard on my head, and said “Excuse me?”
Up and down and up and down.  Not the extreme bipolar I have experienced, but still mood swinging.  So I don’t have the energy now, I feel like a hypocrite and an imposter.

But then I had to go back to what I was believing for everyone else (but not for me, of course)- resistance is going to look different for different people.  Some can go out and march and be on the front lines and take on police and get arrested and be inspiring that way.  Others can write, can help the suffering, take on their friends and family and get banned from family events and be inspiring that way.
Then there are others who are trying just stay sane, to work on wrapping their head around what is going on, and do whatever they can past basic functioning.
That’s me.  There are days I’ll have a laserlike perspective and focus, and be able to be eloquent and good to read.  There are days where I’ll have no focus and question my worth while everyone else sacrifices themselves in a more realistic way.  And there’ll be days where I’m so wrapped up in anxiety, I’m sure whatever I write is going to offend folks I don’t want to offend, that I’m making huse mistakes, and I should be quiet and hide.
So bear with me, and let me know your thoughts and questions and if you disagree with me.  I want to have a conversation, I want you and I to be able to respond to each other, not just react.
And now I want dinner.  A very controversial topic.  
Discuss.